Why I do this whole running thing is a conversation for another blog. Today I want to write about what has been going through my mind through many of my long, lonely runs when the only conversations I have are with myself. It's interesting how many of life's great questions get asked and answered when I have time alone with my head and my endorphins.
One of the those one sided conversations has been about body image and not for the reasons you may think. Not because I'm out there trying to look amazing but rather because as my body gets pushed to its limits and does things I never imagined it could, I have developed a profound reverence and respect for my healthy body and for all the things it has and continues to do. This newfound appreciation has made it difficult for me to watch as other women and friends condemn their beautiful bodies and their envisioned imperfections. Not to say that I am immune from these same condemnations but I feel a change in me as of late.
I think about the women in my life who are most beautiful to me. I think they are stunning and they manage to become more beautiful every time I am around them, not because they are supermodels but because they are unique, strong, and have (sorry for the cliché) a beauty within. These are the women I try to emulate, the women I hope to be like someday.
Maybe it's because I have a daughter now that I feel my eyes have been opened to how truly difficult it is for a girl/woman in this world to feel good about themselves when everywhere you turn there are images of gorgeous physiques, flawless cheekbones, petite noses, giant breasts, and so on and so forth. How are we supposed to ever feel like enough surrounded by all of that?
I have a dear friend, who is one of the most beautiful women I have ever known. She has both a gorgeous countenance and a fabulous figure but if you were to ask her how she feels about her appearance, you would be shocked. There is nothing she admires about herself! I have spoken with her many times about how this saddens me. She is so busy searching for perfection that she can't see what is literally right in front of her reflection. There are so many of us out there in that same boat who can't see beyond their imperfections (I definitely have my moments) and I wish we could take a step back and be grateful for the beautiful women God made us! We are not intended to look the same. We are supposed to be shaped differently. How boring would it be if we all looked like Heidi Klum? Well...maybe not the best example but you get my point.
So what if we are getting older. I'm pretty sure the circle of life includes us aging. It's difficult to feel like we are allowed to age when we are inundated with magazines poking fun at women who, shockingly, look their age. Not to mention if you've had kids, you're body is not allowed to change. Really??? I was running with a friend awhile back and we were discussing her struggles with fertility and her choice to adopt. I mentioned to her that the silver lining was she didn't have any stretch marks. She looked at me and told me how jealous she was of my stretch marks because it was a trace of something her body was unable to do. Talk about a reality check. Thank you to that woman for helping me be grateful for the marks of motherhood instead of complaining about them. I have housed growing, little chillins' inside me for a total of 3 years, how can that not change you? Sure I miss my washboard abs, more slender hips, and perkier...everything but when I look at my 4 beautiful children I wouldn't trade that for the world.
Now by no means am I saying we shouldn't try to make ourselves better. Being active, eating better, and tying to look our best are all extremely important in feeling good about ourselves. I, for one, am addicted to the endorphins I get from exercising! I also love putting on makeup, heels and getting dressed up. They're the little things that make me feel beautiful! I happen to also love chocolate and think life would be depressing without it. Sure if I stopped eating sweets I would probably be a little more trim. However at the end of my life I would rather have indulged in life's goodness than weigh a few pounds less. I guarantee no matter how much weight you lose, or surgery you have done, you won't be happy unless you can be grateful for what you already have. Life is too short to be constantly tearing ourselves down and wishing we looked like somebody else.
As most of you reading this know, I was born with a port wine stain birthmark covering most of my right cheek, chin, and the bottom of my mouth. I am grateful for a mother that taught me to embrace it. She told me it was a kiss from God and I believed her. She told me that I was beautiful outside and in and I believed her. Now that she has passed on, her words ring in my ears as I raise my daughter. I want nothing more for her than to be strong, proud, and to know that she is beautiful because she is an original. Aren't we all?
My husband says I only feel this way because I'm beautiful. Thank goodness he feels that way! Oddly enough the older I get, the more beautiful I feel. I'm not ashamed to say I'm beautiful and I'm going to start telling myself that everyday, not for vanity reasons but for gratitude and empowerment. Sure you won't see me on the cover of any magazines and that's perfectly fine with me. I've got this.
So do me a favor, look in the mirror and instead of nitpicking everything that's imperfect, tell yourself you're gorgeous and be grateful for the beauty that is so obviously there. We only get one body so we might as well be nice to it!
