So, last week I went to the doctor's office for the first time since the move. It was odd to be meeting the doctor a mere 5 weeks before my due date but really, what hasn't been odd about my life this pregnancy? So, as I was being checked out by the nice doctor with the incredibly thick accent, he began to question me about the move(s) and I explained my husband's job was the reason for all the chaos and then he looked at me and said, "You ONLY Mom?" by which he meant, is that all you do? I said yes and he moved on with the visit. I did like the doctor. He was very polite and even did a quick ultrasound to make sure that my little girl was still, well, a girl. (She is!!!) but for some reason his words "Only Mom" have stuck with me since the visit and got me to thinking.
Why do people consider a woman that decides to raise her children instead of work outside the home as being "only a Mom" or "just a Mom"? Why don't people say, "Wow, you are a stay at home Mom!!! My respect for you just went up a few notches!" If I had said, "I'm a scientist", or "I'm a doctor" I would have received that kind of reaction but instead I get the "only a Mom" with a hint of "you must not be capable of anything more important".
Seriously, why is this? When did being a stay at home Mom come with such a stigma? Personally I'm proud of being a stay at home Mom. I feel it's an honor to be the only one raising my children. So I have to change diapers, be a chauffeur, maid, cook, counselor, and teacher. I don't think doing and being those things makes me less of a person than others in the working world.
Granted, it can be a thankless job and can take you to the brink of insanity on a daily basis but this time with my children is incredibly important to me and, believe it or not, I want to be home with them (well, most of the time) even if it means getting the label "only a Mom".
Welcome to blogging Tara :) Don't worry that you are only a Mom... I have a career now and hope that someday soon I will be "only a Mom". :) Love you!!
ReplyDeleteHave you read, I Am A Mother by Jane Clayton Johnson?? You so should! Then next time someone asks, "are you just a mom?" you can say, "No, I am a mother!!" Love reading your posts! Keep it up! :)
ReplyDeleteI think the people who ask this don't necessarily mean that they don't respect your choice (or your privilege) to stay home with your kids. For instance, in your doctor's situation, he was probably just trying to figure out if you split your time in and out of the home. I have respect for many moms who work as well as many moms who don't (and by "work," of course I mean "get paid to work," because we all know being a mom is "work," blah blah blah). I just think it's funny that there is even a rift here. We all just need to have a little more sympathy and respect for other parents, weather or not they have a paying job, and stop arguing over who has it harder.
ReplyDeleteHey Tara!
ReplyDeleteI happened onto your blog and I am so happy because I can't wait to see pictures of your baby girl when she gets here! I am really excited for you.
Anyway, I totally agree with you about the mom thing. I have great respect for you for staying home with your kids!
Tara you are more than "just a mom". Being a mom is way harder than any 9-5 gig. Honestly I would trade my 9-5 job for a stay at home mom job any day of the week and twice on Sunday.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Meili. I don't think it was meant in a derogatory way-although it's hard not to think that sometimes. You are a good mom and your kids are lucky to have you!!
Love what you said. :-)
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